


if you want me, have me

by lovelight (Delenaley)



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Actors, Developing Relationship, Fan!Renjun, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Slice of Life, actor!Lucas, renjun and yixing are cousins bc i said so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25586617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delenaley/pseuds/lovelight
Summary: "Chenle gave me the complete DVD set of Boss for my fourteenth birthday." He shuts the book and looks up, Lucas is looking at him expectantly. Renjun smirks, continuing, "Nothing triggers gay awakening like seeing two hot boys from rival gangs making out."Lucas' eyes widens almost comically. Renjun wants to kiss him stupid.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 44
Kudos: 246





	if you want me, have me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hoeunki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoeunki/gifts).



> I'm not good with expressing feelings and whatnot, but I do know two things: 1) I like seeing you happy, 2) Luren makes you happy. This fic is an entire year overdue, but I'm glad I could finish it at the perfect time, your birthday. Happy birthday, my Erika. 我爱你.
> 
> This is all in good fun, please don't read too much about the celebrity life. I honestly just thought it'd be funny to imagine Lucas going O.O at his own damn poster. There are several timeskips, it'll be mentioned in the paragraphs. Unbeta'ed, we die like clowns.
> 
> (o゜▽゜)o☆

♡

**_ACTOR MARK LEE ANNOUNCES ENLISTMENT DATE._ **

_Mark Lee's agency, SM Entertainment, confirms that the actor will be enlisting on August 4th. Lee has requested that all information regarding the time and whereabouts of his enlistment to be kept private._

Renjun scrolls through the heartbroken comments with a raised brow. Mark is approaching twenty-nine years old, thirty if they're going by korean age. Mark Lee's enlistment has been a long time coming. 

His confusion grows at the influx of comments flooding the news account with every second that passes. These people act like the dude's fucking off to the jungle until the next decade instead of doing a year of military service. It's not like he'll be completely out of sight either. Renjun's seen actors and idols who've been spotted more during their military services than they ever did in their entire careers.

Just in time, several texts from his group chat pops up on the notification bar. Renjun snickers when he sees the messages.

**GAYS 4 MARK LEE**

**Jaemin Na ♡:**

_MARK UNENLIST WTF_

_@ KOREAN GOV ILL TAKE HIS PLACE_

**Lele:**

_He's been crying over this since the news dropped_

**Hyuckie ☆:**

_whats he even crying abt_

_the dude is an actor._

_he only shows up in public whenever he has a project anyway_

**Lele:**

_You do know that you're gonna enlist too, right?_ _@Jaemin Na ♡_

Renjun pondered on leaving them on read, considering Donghyuck and Chenle already voiced his thoughts anyway. But he likes to tease Jaemin, and he's been scrolling through articles for the past hour anyway, a very personal feel good playlist blasting through the store speakers, connected to his phone's bluetooth. 

_‘Watch him pull a double service to exempt Mark Lee_ ,’ Renjun types, giggling. 

The reply comes in less than a minute.

**Jaemin Na ♡:**

_like u wouldnt do the same if lucas enlisted lmaooo_

_ur lucky he doesnt have military service._

**Hyuckie ☆:**

_lucas is ALSO an ACTOR_

_THEY BOTH BARELY SHOW UP ANYWAYS_

_THEIR HIATUS BETWEEN MOVIES AND SHOWS SOMETIMES ARE AS LONG AS MILITARY SERVICES ITSELF_

**Lele:**

_Shouldn’t you be working?_

Instead of retorting with something along the lines of _‘Shouldn’t you guys be asleep?’_ , Renjun lets them be, continuing to scroll through articles on his phone. 

People rarely come in on graveyard shifts anyway, and the ones that do come in are a unique variety of late-night characters. Beer and cigarettes are best-sellers, but the coffee maker across the room serves as a top contender during exam seasons, zombie-like university students dragging their feet towards the counter is like a mirror image to Renjun's own uni days.

It takes another hour before the bell chimes again, signaling that someone had just walked in. 

Renjun looks up to see a tall man in black on black walk in, cap tugged low with a mask covering half of his face. His figure is awfully familiar, but Renjun blames it on his sleep-deprived state and gives his best customer service smile at the man. The man acknowledges it with a polite nod and strides over to the drinks aisle. 

_His legs are endless_ , Renjun thought bitterly, trying not to mentally compare them to his own legs.

He busies himself with rearranging the discounted products on the counter before the man can catch him staring. Renjun straightens himself when he spots the figure approaching the cashier from his peripheral vision. A six pack of the shittiest beer Renjun's ever tasted hits the steel surface of the counter soon after, and Renjun holds himself from grimacing, feeling the taste on his tongue.

When the man speaks up, his voice too is familiar. "How much?" 

Renjun scrunches his nose, because _what_. He doesn't know anyone this big, let alone know them enough to be able to somewhat recognize their voice. 

When Renjun finally looks up, his blood runs cold.

It's the exact same face that stares at him every time he wakes up in the morning. The same face hung on the back of his door. _Lucas Wong,_ he thought, his head feels light. _What are the fucking chances._ Renjun’s friends were literally just talking about him.

"Uh,” Renjun says eloquently, then recites the cost from memory. 

He silently prays to any deity that would hear, thanking them for the amount of people who came in just to buy that shitty beer, and for allowing him to continue operating on muscle memory alone. His traitorous brain is currently blasting the windows shutdown theme over and over, a tiny Lucas picture accompanies the tune, bouncing around inside his skull.

After the transaction, Lucas leaves with a tiny nod and a low _‘thanks’_ , the six-pack in one hand while the other reaches to tug up his mask again. Renjun watches his retreating back with wide eyes, suddenly realizing how ridiculous he might have looked. 

He’s not even halfway into his shift and he already wants to go home, ready to curl up in bed and question his own sanity. He has several questions at hand: 1) _Can too much caffeine cause hallucinations?_ He scratches that from his list for now, maybe he should just ask Jaemin that one; 2) _Did Lucas really come into the store or does Renjun need more caffeine?_

Before Renjun could even contemplate the what-ifs of the situation being absolutely real, Lucas walks back in, looking somewhat alarmed. His mask is still tugged under his jaw, but his eyes are wide and the hat is slightly askew, like he just battled the late night wind and lost. The beer pack is still in his hand.

Lucas approaches the counter in quick strides, staring straight at him with that mildly panicked look. Had Renjun been a lesser man he probably would’ve straight up bolted in fear due to Lucas’ sheer size and the way he’s carrying himself.

“I’m so sorry to trouble you,” he starts, “but can I hide here for a while?”

Through the glass of the store, Renjun spots several figures on the edge of the street, cameras the size of his face in their hands. Fortunately, Renjun’s common sense is still alive and breathing, when it kicks in, understanding dawns on him immediately. 

“It’s alright.” He nods. “Follow me.”

He leads Lucas through rows of the aisles, to the back, and stops in front of the undiscriminating inventory door. After unlocking it, he turns on the lights and ushers Lucas in. 

“Stay here,” he instructs. “I’ll come get you again as soon as they’re gone.”

He barely saw Lucas’ nod before he shut the door, hurriedly returning to the counter. He’s lucky this place was owned by Donghyuck’s family, and all the CCTV was only in the front of the store. No matter how much Granny Lee loves him, he wouldn’t know how to explain this entire encounter. 

True to his hunch, two of the hordes came in. One of them approached the counter while the other stayed back, standing near the glass doors and looking around the store wildly. It’s mildly terrifying, no wonder Lucas seems spooked. 

Renjun dealt with them in record time, claiming that: No, he hasn’t seen the man they described around. He doesn’t know him. He wishes them luck on their search. And watches them exit in silence, waits a few more minutes until they’re completely out of sight, then goes to fetch Lucas.

Poor dude was sweating profusely by the time Renjun opened the door again. 

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “The storage isn't really equipped with air conditioning.” 

He’s still reeling from the fact that it’s _Lucas fucking Wong,_ and avoids looking at him in the eyes when the man starts to speak. 

“It’s fine, I’m sorry for troubling you.” His eyes drop to Renjun’s name tag, and his mouth twitches, forming a small smile. “Thank you, Renjun.”

Renjun was too astounded by how his name sounded coming out of Lucas’ mouth that he completely zoned out Lucas’ final nod before running out.

It’d kept him completely awake through the shift, well into the first ray of sunshine and the half-dazed walk home to his shared apartment with his cousin. He’d dismissed Yixing’s offer for breakfast with a slight shake of the head then proceeded to flop face down on his bed, promptly passing out.

He’d slept until noon, woke up to the giant Lucas poster on the back of his door, and wondered if he’d made it all up.

♡

Renjun would’ve carried on as usual, savored the memory and stored it deep inside his mind to commemorate. Might even question if it had even happened in the first place.

Except, Lucas came back the next day.

And the day after, and the day after that, and so on.

Sure, he could be staying around the neighborhood for some top secret celebrity business and this store happened to be the only one around that is open at odd hours and suited his taste. Except, he kept chatting with Renjun for longer than required. Except, he had come in during Donghyuck’s shift once and specifically asked regarding Renjun's whereabouts. 

(Except, Renjun’s initial starstruck had gradually faded into something akin to his excitement upon seeing his friends after a long time, something that he simply excuses as Lucas being the most entertaining part of his shifts.)

Renjun was glad that Donghyuck, despite his curious looks, hadn’t brought up the encounter nor mentioned anything at all to their friends save for a few pointed stickers in the group chat directed at Renjun. Not that he would know how to answer any questions that might arise, anyway.

When Lucas finally shows up again, it was just a little past two in the morning and Renjun has half the mind he possesses in daylight. So before Lucas could start doing his routine of awkward pointed staring and constant stutters, Renjun thinks _‘Fuck it’_ and lets his last remaining braincell do the work.

“Spit it out,” he says, a bit snappy. That shouldn’t be the etiquette on treating the actor you’ve admired for a decade, but famous or not, the later it gets the thinner Renjun’s patience goes, and he has a job to do. He can’t keep letting this ridiculously handsome man make him lose it on the clock.

Lucas startles, if it was possible for his eyes to get any bigger or rounder, it would have. 

(And. Well. Renjun may be an idiot, and he knows better than to expect anything from someone famous—despite the fact that he’s adored Lucas for so long—but Renjun isn’t blind, and he sees the way Lucas looks at him, and the way his hands linger just a little too long on Renjun’s own after he hands him his stuff.)

After what seemed to be hours, Lucas finally exhales, looking at Renjun with unconcealed relief. “Can I have your number?”

Renjun is convinced his eyebrows have shot up to his hairline and will cease to return. “What?” It comes out choked.

“Your number.” Lucas repeats. “Date.”

“I understand.” Renjun lies, automatically switching to what his friends call his Customer Service voice, because he _doesn’t understand_ and he definitely doesn’t know how to deal with this. 

Assuming Lucas found him interesting was one thing—he was merely entertaining his fourteen year-old self standing in the face of his celebrity crush—being asked out in a very straightforward way is another thing entirely.

Lucas is looking at him funnily, the corners of his eyes twitching in something not unlike amusement.

“Sure,” Renjun says, and grabs a black marker nearby, then hesitates when he notices the lack of paper.

“Here.” Lucas shoves his arms toward him.

Renjun writes down his number, careful where his hands touch. He tries to ignore how openly the elder is staring. 

“My turn,” Lucas says brightly once Renjun is done, snatching the marker out of his fingers. Renjun barely had time to react before Lucas leaned over and carefully took his wrist. “May I?”

Renjun nods. 

Everything that happened after was like a fever dream, or watching someone’s experience through a glass window—vaguely clear but muted. The gentle grasp of Lucas’ fingers on his lower arms, the warmth of the touches and the tickle from the marker.

It lasts up to the moment Lucas leaves, looking every bit like a child on Christmas morning, beaming and filled with excitement.

Renjun still thinks he’s dreaming. Perhaps he’s dozed off on one of his night shifts at the store, head lolled to his shoulder, exhausted from working non-stop, just waiting for an abrupt shake on his shoulder from Donghyuck or Granny Lee to wake him up.

But there's a number scrawled messily on the inside of his lower arm in bold, black letters; and the beeping from his phone is too annoying to keep him in any state of slumber.

"I'm about to faint," Renjun says as soon as the beeping stops and the call connects. "Lele, do you think someone can hallucinate through an entire week?" 

_"Why are you calling me at ass o'clock in the morning to ask that?"_ Chenle hisses from the other end of the line.

Renjun debates on whether or not he should tell him, because it _still_ feels like a dream to him, but then he remembers that he and Chenle have been friends since they were little kids and both of them have heard and seen way worse things from each other. 

"I met Lucas Wong," Renjun whispers, afraid that saying it too loud might jinx it somehow. His heart skips a beat at the name, mind replaying the image of Lucas' wide smile over and over in his head. _I’ve been seeing him all throughout the week,_ he wants to continue. _I think we might be going on a date but I’m also skeptical?_

But. One thing at a time.

_“What?”_

"I met him," Renjun continues, adoration pouring out of him in waves, unstoppable now it's unleashed. He’s been holding back for a week, he’s allowed to freak out a bit. "He was absolutely stunning. His eyes? They legitimately sparkled, it wasn't some lighting effect or some shit. They actually do sparkle.”

He was met with silence, only the sound of Chenle's heavy breathing indicated that the line was still connected. For a second, Renjun thought he had fallen back asleep. 

And then, _"How much did you drink?"_

"What? _No!_ " Renjun sputters, "I didn't drink!" He denies. "Why would I drink on the job?"

Renjun thought of the gigantic Lucas poster he framed across his bed, on the back of his door. The only obvious merch of the man he allows himself to have in the apartment that he shares with his cousin. 

_“I currently have the brain capacity of a squirrel. Let’s talk about this in the morning.”_ Then the line shuts with a click. 

He sighs, he doesn’t know if he will have the courage to do so tomorrow. 

His phone vibrates.

**Unknown Number**

_hey its lucas!!_

Renjun grins, and starts to type.

♡

Things went well, and time goes by faster than Renjun expected.

On their first date, Lucas had taken him to a private, family-owned restaurant and proceeded to coax his entire life story in under three hours. Lucas makes it so easy to enjoy his company and let loose, Renjun barely remembered the lives they had out of all of this through the entire date.

But he hadn’t expected the second date, the third. 

(Or the fourth where Lucas finally decided to discard all manners, took Renjun to where he’s staying then proceeded to blow his back out.)

He learns that Lucas will be in the country for a while to complete filming, learns that he doesn't blink in the face of the spiciest food Renjun's ever tasted; learns of how much he loves his mother, of how much he cares for his work; learns to map the lines of his skin and tune in to every sound that spills out of his mouth.

It takes a month, Renjun realizes bitterly. 

It only takes a month for it to dawn on him just how deep they are in this, just how much Renjun's grown to care for him. Not the man on the silver screen, the one Renjun adored growing up—but the man who laughs at Renjun's stupid jokes and notices the slightest difference in his expression; the man who can pick him apart in seconds and rebuild him faster.

Which. He should probably say something about the giant poster on the back of his door, of the _Boss_ shirt, the DVD collection and the sketches throughout the years.

He just doesn't know how.

(Doesn't know if this whole thing will last enough for it to matter.)

♡

He doesn't have to say anything, apparently.

On their nth date, stumbling through the streets somewhat tipsy and high on feelings—Renjun decides they should go to his apartment instead because they definitely can't keep their hands off of each other long enough to reach Lucas' place.

It's great, at first.

Renjun keeps Lucas detached enough from him to take off their shoes when they cross the door, but otherwise lets him keep himself occupied with his face on Renjun's neck.

They make it to Renjun's room, and Lucas finally pulls away, giggling as he blindly reaches for the switch. 

The room lights up and Renjun wastes no time admiring the man in front of him, looking up at him with adoration in his eyes. He knows how ridiculous he probably looks but right now he doesn't care.

Then, Lucas freezes. Eyes fixed on the spot above Renjun's head. He was about to ask him what happened, before he suddenly remembered— _Oh_. The poster. The gigantic, framed poster of Lucas' promotional photoshoot for _King of Hearts,_ Renjun's favorite movie of his. 

"That's me." 

Renjun resists the urge to roll his eyes, but his heart is still beating loudly in his chest. Not a good time to be a little shit.

"Yes, I'd expect you to recognize your own face."

If it was more appropriately timed, that would've earned him a chuckle. But now Lucas is looking down at him, somewhat in a daze.

"You're a fan, huh?" He finally asks, after what feels like hours. Like it wasn't obvious. 

Renjun slowly nods, biting his lower lip. 

Lucas takes a step back, eyes scanning the rest of the room. To Renjun's luck, they immediately land on the black shirt draped over Renjun's chair. It was the first official merch he ever bought with his own money. He was eighteen years old, that was six years ago. The shirt's faded, worn with time and how frequently Renjun uses them, but the _Boss_ logo was still highly recognizable, even from across the room.

It takes some time, but it dawns on Renjun all the same. He realizes how this must look to Lucas. Even if he wouldn't voice the question out loud. Renjun doesn't know if he should be scared or anything else, to be able to read Lucas like this when they've only known each other a month.

"You're my favorite actor, that much is true," he starts, careful. "I do keep up with you, occasionally." 

Only his career, and the way his projects always seem to hit right in Renjun's gut. He's liked the actor for a decade. Sure, he daydreamed a lot when he was fourteen, but what fourteen year-old wasn't a little bit obsessed with things, anyway? 

Either way, it stopped when he was sixteen and started crushing on real, same-aged boys within his vicinity. And up until a month ago at the convenience store, Lucas remained in the exact same place he's been since Renjun was sixteen—a figure on a poster, a moving face through a screen. 

"That's all there is to it," he assures, taking a step back, keeping his distance in case Lucas wants some space. 

Except his back immediately makes contact with the door and Lucas' eyes went wide, a hand going up automatically to reach out, which he retracted when it came near an inch of Renjun's skin. He pretends it doesn't hurt as much as it does.

Lucas shakes his head. When he speaks, his voice is gentle, albeit confused. "No, I knew. The first few nights we met, your reaction. I knew you knew who I was, just didn't think you're a big fan."

"I don't know how to break it to you," Renjun whispers. "I was worried you'd look at me differently, when after the first time we went out I pretty much forgot about your status all together. And—" he hesitates. Lucas nods as a sign for him to continue, "—I thought this entire thing was temporary. I'd even have kept silent about it, if you asked."

Lucas exhales, slowly. The lines of his mouth are tight. “Not temporary,” he mutters.

Renjun blinks. “What?”

Lucas takes a careful step back, and then another, not stopping until the back of his legs hits Renjun’s bed. He sits down, hands smoothing over his pants, coming to a rest at his knees. Renjun watches this all unfold with a bated breath. 

“What do you want, now?” Lucas asks, keeping his gaze on the floor.

Renjun’s heart is a bird, wings fluttering wildly inside his chest. Is he allowed to be honest? Is he allowed to want at all?

He walks over to him, cautious, conscious about the tension that stretches between them. When he’s close enough, he takes Lucas’ face in his hands, coaxing the elder to look at him. Lucas’ hands hover over his own, eyes closing as he leans into Renjun’s palms.

“Do you want the truth?” he asks, and Lucas’ lower lip trembles. 

Lucas is giving _him_ the choice. He will take whatever Renjun gives him. Renjun’s breath hitches. He shouldn’t have this much power over someone, Lucas shouldn’t have given him the power. 

“I want you.” Renjun leans his forehead on Lucas’ own. He is honest, and he wants Lucas to know he holds the same power over Renjun. “I want you, in all the ways you are willing to give me. I will take all of that and ask for no more.”

Lucas makes a wounded sound and opens his eyes, wide and vulnerable, wet at the corners. His fingers are gently prying Renjun’s hands from his face. 

“Then have me.” He pulls Renjun down for a kiss. “All of me.”

♡

Renjun wakes up and aches. 

He blinks slowly to consciousness, wondering why the hell is his room so bright. The first thing he realizes is that under the blanket he is completely and utterly naked, like a newborn baby. The second thing he realizes is that his body is sore.

Then his eyes land on the figure sitting on his desk chair, and the events of the night before comes rushing in. His cheeks burn with the memories.

Lucas is bare except for the shorts that Renjun knows is his. It’s one of his slightly bigger ones, the one that he usually wears during winter months when he wants to drown in fabric. It fits Lucas, and something inside Renjun aches at the sight of Lucas wearing Renjun’s clothes. 

He’s stunning. Golden skin illuminated by the morning light that’s seeping in from Renjun’s window, directly in front of the desk he’s currently perched over. Once he’s fully focused, Renjun realizes Lucas is slowly going through his sketchbook. 

“Has anyone told you it’s rude to open someone’s books without permission?”

Lucas barely looks up. “Hm, is it? You can find my entire biography online. I think it’s fair I get to see this a bit.”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “I didn’t choose to be a child star,” he retorts.

“You’re really good. They’re all so.. _lively_.” Lucas flips through another page, as if Renjun hadn’t spoken at all. Renjun huffs and crosses his arms, but he can’t help the way his heart soars at the compliment. 

“Are you hungry?” he asks instead. 

♡

Lucas ends up cooking. 

He looked attractive enough doing it that Renjun didn’t have the mind to be shameless about his guest cooking for him. Besides, Lucas makes fantastic pancakes. 

“You’re lucky. That’s the only thing I know how to make.” Lucas folds his arms on top of the table props his face on top of them. He looks so delighted at how much Renjun is enjoying the food, and Renjun would be lying if he said the insides of his chest didn’t do funny things.

“I think I wouldn’t mind having a lifetime supply,” he replies, mouth full. “These are delicious."

One of Lucas’ hands reaches up, thumb wiping the corner of Renjun’s mouth. He looks so visibly fond it almost hurts.

“I’d be happy to provide,” he says. 

And well, if Renjun chokes on his food, that’s no one’s business.

Lucas leaves an hour later, and Renjun gathers every ounce of self-restraint he has left to refuse when Lucas asks him to go into the shower with him. He even pouted. Renjun would’ve caved, but his cousin is probably coming home soon and he’s not ready to explain whatever this is yet. It’s too early.

Renjun sees him off at the door, but since the universe likes fucking with him, Yixing shows up two doors down, eyes immediately locked on the two of them.

“Yixing,” Renjun calls, half greeting, half warning. Next to him, Lucas visibly tenses. He doesn’t blame him. Yixing’s presence can command an entire room if he wants to, and he may be silent, but everyone can sense the question hanging in the air.

“Hello,” Lucas says a bit stiffly, and Yixing’s eyes focus on him entirely, not as narrow as before, but enough. “I’m Lucas, Renjun’s boyfriend.”

Renjun’s eyes widened. His mind goes back to last night, the heavy silence in the room, the way Lucas’ mouth curved to a displeased frown. _‘Not temporary’_ he had said, and spent the night making Renjun feel like he was an object worthy of his worship. 

It’s terrifying. 

And he’d said it so casually. Boyfriend. 

_‘Not temporary’_ , a voice in his mind repeats.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Yixing, Renjun’s cousin.” Yixing is sporting his signature dimpled smile, but even a fool can sense the threatening aura he's emitting. "I better get some sleep," he muses, tilting his head upwards a little to smile up at Lucas, said boy backing off slightly. "Lucas, is it?"

Renjun narrows his eyes, suspicious of where his cousin is going with this. Yixing damn well knows it's Lucas Wong, he's been with Renjun through all of his gay crisis for the past decade. He even helped him set up the framed poster on the back of Renjun's door. And Lucas fucking stated his name just five seconds ago.

"Don't even think of pulling anything stupid to him," Yixing continues, smile growing wider. Lucas' only response was a timid nod and a barely audible _‘yes’._ Satisfied, Yixing steps back and salutes them both before slipping in the middle to get inside the apartment.

Renjun looks up and snickers at the stunned expression gracing Lucas' features. Renjun gives in to his impulses and tiptoes, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. 

Lucas, unblinking, turns his gaze to Renjun. "Is he always that terrifying?"

"Not really," Renjun hums. He's seen Yixing instill the fear of God into someone in a way that's scarier than what he just pulled on Lucas, but Renjun's not going to expose his cousin like that. "He's normally very kind."

♡

"I thought you said you were going to sleep," Renjun points out, amused. 

Yixing's sitting on the kitchen island, munching on the leftover pancakes with an innocent face, flipping through a magazine next to the plate. Renjun takes a seat across from him and grabs another fork to feed himself, even though he had just eaten. Lucas turned out to be a surprisingly incredible cook. Renjun's never tasted pancakes this good in his life. 

"These are really good," Yixing voices Renjun's previous thoughts, voice muffled with how stuffed his mouth is. Renjun makes a disgusted face at him. "And I _was_ , but then I saw the food and I couldn't help myself. Did your boy make this? We haven't had proper breakfast in ages, bro."

"Grandmother would be so disappointed in us," Renjun laughs, watching in amusement as Yixing's forehead starts to crease. He's always been grandma's boy. "But yeah, Lucas made these."

Yixing raises one faded eyebrow, the corner of his lips pulled up into a smirk. “ _Aw_ , I hope I didn’t scare him too bad.”

"You're insufferable." Renjun rolls his eyes. "I wonder how Chanyeol puts up with you.”

Yixing balls up the magazine he'd been holding and smacks Renjun's shoulder. "Hey!"

They chased each other around the apartment, laughing around before finally collapsing on the couch, out of breath. 

"Sometimes I forget that I'm old now," Yixing pants, fanning himself with the magazine.

"Don't let grandma hear you say that." Renjun laughs. "You're thirty and out of shape, not sixty and arthritic."

"Doesn't matter. Grandma still treats me like I'm ten no matter how old I am." Yixing huffs. 

After a beat of silence, he slowly looks at Renjun. "Hey, you didn't like… stalked him or anything right?"

Renjun sputters. "What? Who?"

"Lucas. It's not everyday your fanboy cousin gets to bring home the object of his decade-long admiration."

"I don't know how to make you believe even if I told you.” Renjun sighs.

"Try me." Yixing challenges.

He doesn’t miss any details.

True to his word, Yixing merely hums, thoughtful.

“Unexpected, but not out of the realms of possibility,” he says, the lines around his eyes softening. And then, “Renjun."

“Yes?”

“Chanyeol and I decided on the date for the wedding,” he starts, a soft dimpled smile blooms on his face. “October next year.”

Renjun nods, excited. Chanyeol is Yixing’s longest boyfriend to date, they have a lot in common and enough sense to keep each other on the surface. It’s good to see someone be able to yank Yixing out of his workaholic tendencies, someone who Yixing takes care of just as much in return. 

“If he’s still around by then,” Yixing continues, looking at him pointedly. Renjun doesn’t have to ask to know who he means. “Bring him. It’s obvious he cares about you a great deal.”

Renjun blinks, he doesn’t know what to say at that last part. “I guess,” is what he settles with.

“Oh please.” Yixing rolls his eyes. “You guys fucked with his stupid poster in the back, don’t give me that look, I know everything—” Renjun doesn’t stop glaring. “—That’s how you know he’s in this for the long run. And in the name of our ancestors, _please_ cover up, you look like you got mauled.”

This time, Renjun hits him with the magazine.

♡

When Renjun was seventeen, Lucas came out as bisexual.

The media tore him apart, of course. It was all about his personal life, the sudden interpretations toward his current relationships and the questions regarding his past relationships. Was he and Mark Lee a thing? Did his past male friendships turn out to be something more? No one talked about the guts it took to admit his truth. 

Renjun had watched midnight live broadcast, sat on his living room couch. The house had been silent, all the residents deeply asleep, except for Renjun. He still remembers the way Lucas had inhaled deeply, eyes fluttering closed like he'd been hurt. 

He remembers the way his own breath hitched when Lucas finally uttered the words—how it felt like the world had stopped turning and all that's left is the beat of Renjun's heart, loud enough to be heard by his own ears. 

♡

"I want to _create_ ," Lucas says, laid on his back on the couch. He's looking at the television screen with what Renjun guesses as wistfulness.

Stood behind the couch, Renjun looks down at him curiously. "Elaborate."

"Directing."

"Ah." Renjun nods. "You want to work behind the scenes, instead."

"Yes," Lucas sighs.

Renjun reaches down to pat his head. Then, more insistently, he pats him again. "Up, up."

His boyfriend obeys immediately, sitting up. Renjun's lips quirk in amusement, he abandons the laundry basket and moves to sit down on the now vacant spot. Wasting no time, Lucas brings his head back down, Renjun's thigh acting as his new pillow.

Lucas blinks up at him owlishly. Renjun smiles down sweetly at him. 

"Dirty laundry," Lucas points out, eyeing the basket. 

Lucas' favorite cartoon goldfish shirt lays on top of the pile, and Renjun briefly wonders when did Lucas become such a solid fixture in his life, integrated into every aspect like he's been there since the start. Renjun's heart swells at the sight.

"Later." Renjun cards his fingers through the elder's hair. "Talk to me."

So they talked. Lucas starts with his aspirations and the ideas he had, Renjun chiming in with appropriate questions and responses, sharing his own experiences whenever Lucas returns the questions on him. It’s warm, it’s safe. Renjun doesn’t want to be anywhere else in the world but here, wrapped in their little bubble inside Renjun and Yixing’s apartment, amidst the bustling nightlife in the heart of Korea. 

Somewhere along in the conversation, they started veering to other topics. Lucas talks about the coming out interview Renjun watched when he was young, and in return, he offers his own story.

"Yixing was the catalyst, really," Renjun begins. "He was grandma's favorite. Still is. Everyone in our family looks up and respects her. Her words are law. So when Yixing came out and said he was bisexual, she was his front line defender. Going as far as threatening to cut off some people from her will. The rest is history."

Renjun still remembers twenty year-old Yixing, coming home from college with his then boyfriend. That was the only time Renjun ever saw Yixing with his head down. Grandma had taken one look at him and grabbed his hand. The woman proceeded to shout at her entire bloodline, gathered in the living room with mortal fear in their eyes.

That had been a hard year for Renjun. He was just beginning to learn his own heart, suddenly feeling like he's encased in a tight wooden box filled with dust, and the only source of light is the tiny keyhole where he can only watch as the world goes on around him, never acknowledging him inside; screaming to be let out, and be set free.

Renjun came out a year after Yixing, and was welcomed with nothing but warm smiles and tight hugs.

He will always be grateful for his cousin and their grandmother.

Lucas nods, eyes wide. He’s so adorable it physically hurts. "Grandma's love… is very important. Mine was impactful to my life, as well," he begins, sighing. Renjun massages Lucas' forehead with his thumb, and he melts into the touch immediately.

"I wasn't the brightest, or most skilled kid around. I was surrounded by talented kids, though, either my cousins or children of my ma's friends.” Lucas pursed his lips. “Jackson was in nationals for fencing, Vivi was the pageant's reigning queen, and Dejun was a music prodigy. Everyone told me I was lucky that I had been handsome, that it was all I was good for."

He closes his eyes, burying his head further in Renjun's lap. He looks sleepy, and Renjun debates on whether or not he should move them to his bed, but before he could voice his thoughts, Lucas continued talking. 

"My grandma said some people can be talented or lucky, but hard work is what maintains them. She was the one who signed me up for my first CF, told me to prove everyone wrong, that my handsomeness can be useful," He snorts. "She wasn't wrong, though. Not long after, I got my first acting gig. I learned to act, worked hard to keep the calls coming. It got me places, I was able to explore and learn many things—languages, martial arts, and several obscure ass skills. Pretty sure I now have more talent than them all combined, no offense, I love them."

Renjun nods in agreement. Yixing often says similar things, too. _‘There was never talent, only hard work. Even if you are gifted, it won’t last if you do not keep working on it.’_

Before he could say anything, Lucas looks up, eyes unbelievably fond. "Above all, I get to meet you."

Renjun, overwhelmed, recalls a moment from last week. When Yixing caught him sketching, and a huge grin broke out in his face. _“You haven’t drawn in a while,”_ Yixing pointed out, careful. 

He remembers Lucas’ wide eyes and the earnest look on his face even before that, _“Draw me. However you like. You have me now, I’ll be your muse.”_ He thinks about how that had given him the push to pick up his supplies after nearly a year of vacancy.

It’s only been four months. He’s never felt so strongly for someone before, not this quick.

“I love you,” Renjun breathes out anyway. _I think you’ve been my muse since I was fourteen,_ he wants to say. _I’m so happy I get to love you properly._ But he saves that for another day.

He hadn’t thought it was possible for Lucas’ face to be any brighter, but apparently he had underestimated him.

“Junnie,” Lucas calls.

“Hm?”

“I love you, too.”

Something in Renjun’s heart settles into place.

♡

**Lucas ♡♡♡**

_ur at home right_

**Renjun 💫**

_Yes, why?_

**Lucas ♡♡♡**

_ok cool. cause,_

_surprise!!_

_im outside ur door_

Renjun's eyes go wide. This is not how this night is supposed to go.

Lucas told him he's not coming back until Monday, at the very least. What is he doing here on Saturday? Renjun's friends are still inside, there's no way he can suddenly kick them out without them seeing Lucas. 

But.

He clearly told Lucas he was having his friends over, and he recalls the elder replying with an adorable and enthusiastic, _have fun!!_ completed with hearts and stars emojis.

"I'm going outside for a sec," he says, feeling out of breath. "Gotta take a call." 

The others nod, continuing with their food. Except for Donghyuck, who sat beside him and can probably see that his phone hadn't actually vibrated, is eyeing him with suspicion. Renjun ignores him and bolts to the door.

"Hi!" Lucas greets, grinning. He waits until Renjun's door is fully closed before leaning down to kiss him on the cheek. "I missed you."

Renjun loses his composure, but says in return, "Missed you too." He laces one of his hands with Lucas', because he's completely incapable of not touching him. He hasn't seen his boyfriend in weeks, sue him. He can't leave a man this fine untouched.

"What are you doing here? I thought you said you're coming back Monday." He tries not to let the excitement seep into his voice, but he can't help it. Renjun doesn't know what he's planning yet, but he's missed him so much he can't just curb it.

"Things went better than expected, finished early. And—" Lucas bit down on his bottom lip. "—I was thinking I can finally meet your friends?"

His heart is soaring. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yeah, Junnie." He plants a small kiss on Renjun's temple. "I'm always sure when it comes to you."

Renjun wants to cry. He adores this man so much. 

“And maybe, I’d like to take you to meet Kun as well, the next time he’s in Korea. Maybe give a call to Hendery, too.”

And. _Oh._ Renjun is not afraid to cry right here right now. Lucas wants Renjun to meet his best friends, the people he grew up with, the people he’s closest to. He loves him dearly.

(He will freak out about meeting Kun—his and Chenle’s favorite musician—later.)

“That would be great, I’d love to,” he says, keeping his voice steady, his hand in Lucas' as they walk in. Thankfully, his friends have decided to turn down their usual curiosity, and stayed put in the living room. He instructs Lucas to stay in the hallway as he breaks it out to them first.

 _"Guys,"_ he calls, wringing his hands. Three heads turn around simultaneously to face him. 

"What is it?" Jaemin asks, gentle. He must've sensed his nervousness. Donghyuck is leveling him with a careful gaze. Despite his best efforts, Renjun thinks he already knows. What with Lucas spending a shameless amount of time in the store, and Donghyuck isn’t above spying through the CCTV.

"Sorry to just throw this on you all, but I'd like you to meet my boyfriend." He doesn't know why he's so nervous, what the hell. 

The others merely know about the existence of a boyfriend, but don't push too hard about it, probably avoiding a rightful headlock from Renjun. For that, Renjun’s grateful. Yixing said it’s okay, anyway, and Renjun trusts his cousin with his life. Five months isn’t that long to keep quiet. Yixing took even longer to admit he and Chanyeol were dating. 

From his periphery, he sees Lucas' lips bloom into a wide smile when he says the word. His chest feels warm. No matter how many times they say it, it seems that the novelty hasn’t worn off.

Chenle's entire face lights up. "Hell yeah, bring him in."

"Sure," Donghyuck says, finally grinning. "Not that we've been waiting for months." 

Jaemin punches him on the shoulder, then turns to look at Renjun with a small smile. "We'd love to, Junnie."

Renjun rolls his eyes, and beckons Lucas to step in. 

"Hi everyone," Lucas says with the smallest voice Renjun's ever heard him use. He immediately walks over behind Renjun, placing both hands above Renjun's shoulders.

Renjun sees the moment it sinks in on his friends, wishing he had brought out his camera. 

"Nice to meet you," Lucas continues, giggling. Renjun knows he's enjoying their reactions. The bastard.

Donghyuck's eyebrows had risen to his hairline. Jaemin's smile fell sometime when Lucas stepped in, jaw dropping wider with every second that passes; and Chenle—

"I—Uh, you can call me Lucas. Which, you probably already know."

Chenle flailed and dropped to the floor with a shriek.

♡

Things go by smoother after that, the star effect lasted less than five minutes because Renjun’s friends were still adamant on teasing him, back to their number one priority in life. Lucas seemed to enjoy it, chiming in to indulge the boys. And Renjun may be annoyed as hell, but he can’t stop the warmth that spreads across his chest at seeing Lucas get along with his friends so well. 

Jaemin is also delighted that he gets to hear some spoilers about the upcoming installment from the _Awaken_ franchise. Renjun pretends he’s not tuning in intently, Lucas catches on anyway, the way he always does, then laughs and teases him about the one time Renjun got drunk and babbled about how hot he looked in his superhero costume.

He can’t wait to meet Lucas’ friends.

♡

A year goes by fast. 

Lucas found himself getting busier, he was everywhere at once and Renjun could only see him so much. But Renjun’s glad that he can be here now. Standing in Renjun’s childhood bedroom, looking around with amazement, waiting for the rest of the family to arrive so he can be introduced properly.

They hadn’t been on the same flight, Renjun had been in China for two days, Lucas arrived just a few hours before. Right on the day of the family dinner, a few days short of the wedding. Only his immediate family members have met Lucas, but Renjun couldn’t help the wave of happiness that washes over him. And Yixing’s fiancé, Chanyeol, had met Lucas numerous times in their apartment in Korea before. Renjun would even go as far as describing them as friends.

His parents and grandmother knows of Lucas, of course. The two of them decided to do a proper video call on the seventh month, with a bit of encouragement from Yixing. It had been better than expected, and Renjun found it easier after, to ask. _‘Would you like to come to Yixing’s wedding with me this October?’_

Lucas had been so excited he almost toppled off his chair. He’d agreed, and promised to come no matter what.

Renjun assured him that it was okay even if he wasn’t able to make it, but Lucas had stared at him with the most serious look he’s ever seen him wear, resolute, and said: _’This is important to the two of you. I_ will _make it.’_

And he did.

"Up until my teenage years, you were just a name and a face I could happen to match among dozens of other celebrities," Renjun starts, picking up his old sketchbook and flipping through it. He can sense his boyfriend's smug smile from across the room, and he refuses to see it to save himself from embarrassment.

Renjun stops flipping to admire a messy sketch containing Lucas and Mark in their roles, kissing. That was one of his early sketches of Lucas, done in the heat of the moment. Renjun remembers being fourteen and frustrated out of his mind, having discovered a new part of himself. So he did sketches after sketches, drew the beautiful boy with piercings over and over until he could feel the restlessness leave his body.

He has Lucas' first appearance in the show engraved in his mind to this day. How the shot was purposely done to make it look like the audience was looking through Mark's eyes, and everything except Lucas was suddenly blurred. It did the trick, of course, he's been stuck in Renjun's mind ever since. Though now it serves as a perfect representation of how Renjun's own eyes work whenever Lucas is in his vicinity.

"Chenle gave me the complete DVD set of _Boss_ for my fourteenth birthday." He shuts the book and looks up, Lucas is looking at him expectantly. Renjun smirks, continuing, "Nothing triggers gay awakening like seeing two hot boys from rival gangs making out."

Lucas' eyes widens almost comically. Renjun wants to kiss him stupid. 

_"Fuck,"_ he whispers, with a lot of feeling, eyebrows scrunching in concentration. "But you had a favorite right? Out of the two of us, there had to be one you were more attracted to. Who is it?"

Renjun laughs and walks over to him, he slots himself between Lucas' thighs and wraps his arms around the boy's shoulder. Lucas waits until he stops moving to place his own hands on Renjun's waist. After a year being together, Lucas should know better than to ask that.

"It was Mark's role. He was very handsome," he lies, grinning down at Lucas. Well, partial lie. Mark is indeed handsome but he wasn't the catalyst of Renjun's gay awakening.

Lucas throws his head back. "Fuck you, Lee," he groans. "I hope they kick your ass in the military right now."

Renjun holds down a chuckle. The military loves Mark Lee, Renjun's seen enough clips on the internet and can clearly see that the dude is living his best life right now. So unless he does some serious violation, he's not receiving any butt kicking soon. 

Besides.

"I was joking, it was you," Renjun says, tugging on the short hairs above Lucas' nape, and watches as Lucas shifts his focus back to Renjun, eyes softening. "Nineteen year-old Lucas Wong... with multiple piercings and sandy blond hair," he whispers, lowering his head. "He was the most breathtaking person young Renjun had ever set eyes on." 

Lucas' breath hitches. "And now?" He asks, almost inaudible. Renjun moves one of his hands to caress Lucas' cheek, the other immediately leaning in to the touch. "Now that you know the older, _real_ me?"

Renjun closes their distance with a kiss. He could write an entire franchise dedicated to Lucas and his devastatingly lovable and endearing personality, and it still wouldn't be enough. He knows that a kiss wouldn't be able to convey the entire range of his Lucas-related emotions, either. But right now, it's all he could do.

Renjun knows this much: when he thinks of Lucas, he no longer thinks of streaming in the darkness of his childhood bedroom, or sketching until his hands ache, or the framed poster on the back of his door.

When he thinks of Lucas, he thinks of mismatched socks, of the giant coat hanging on his closet; he thinks of long legs and long nights with lazy kisses, he thinks of falling asleep on the couch with large hands clutching the back of his shirt.

"That perception hasn't changed," Renjun murmurs as soon as they break apart, foreheads touching. Lucas' eyes were still closed, like he knew that it would somehow help Renjun finish his words. "The real you is even better."

♡

Renjun watches Chanyeol and Lucas, both as equally wide-eyed and animated as the other, gesticulating wildly as they converse. Renjun cocks an eyebrow, interested and amused. 

From his peripheral vision, he notices Yixing doing the same, staring at the two giant dorks they're dating—in Yixing's case, engaged to be married in a few days.

An amused smile graces his lips, his eyes are soft and full of warmth. Renjun briefly wonders about the expression he displays whenever he so much as looks at Lucas, figures that it's probably even goofier than the face Yixing is currently making. 

"Hey," Renjun starts, nudging his love stupid cousin beside him with his elbow. "Do you think we have a type?" 

Yixing chokes on his food.

♡

Much later, after the commotion has died down, after the grooms are all that’s left to be fawned over. Renjun and Lucas politely excuse themselves, quietly slipping back upstairs, into Renjun’s childhood room.

Lucas lays down on the floor, staring up at the glow in the dark stars on Renjun’s ceiling. Renjun follows suit, laying down next to him with their sides pressed together, hands laced together. 

“Are you happy?” he asks, small. 

He sees the way Lucas carries himself with Renjun’s family, open and bright. Sees them all fall in love with him—not the actor, but the boy Renjun has come to know and love. There are stars in Renjun’s ceilings, in the sky, but the brightest is here, laying next to him with Renjun’s heart in his hands.

“I am,” Lucas replies. Then he turns to his side, burying his face on the crook of Renjun’s neck. “Junnie,” he calls.

“Yes?”

“Remember that first night in your room?”

The fear in his heart, the way they broke each other apart and pieced it all back together by morning. _‘Not temporary’,_ and then, _‘All of me’._

Lucas continues, an arm wrapping around Renjun’s torso. “I mean that. You have me,” he begins. “Not just the parts I’m willing to give. All of me.”

_“Lucas.”_

“For as long as you’ll have me.”

Renjun turns, cradling Lucas’ cheek in his free hand. “Forever,” he replies, breathless.

Lucas kisses him, and it feels like coming home.

♡

**Author's Note:**

> Me, writing this: must a story have a plot? Is it not enough to have Lucas and Renjun, kissing?
> 
> The dirty laundry and cartoon goldfish shirt is homage to Kaia's [fic.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19177240) Aka the final stepping stone for me to ship luren last year. The title are lyrics taken from Lucas' iconic debut rap in [Boss,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AUFyFEt35g) but the entire fic itself is loosely inspired by Greyson Chance's [black on black.](https://open.spotify.com/track/3TG0qTAImtlOtFGVSjQWY0?si=l14bTbQyRMmA9I3fazaOLA)
> 
> Although I took some liberties with an additional sentence, the words _"There was never talent, only hard work."_ —is an actual quote by Zhang Yixing, taken from his book 而立·24 (Standing Firm at 24). I suggest giving it a try, it's a wonderful read.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you!! Talk to me on [twitter✨](http://twitter.com/layverse) ( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• )


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